


Ganon's Rippling Neck Abs

by pomegranate_bosoms (farrah_yondale)



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Childbirth, F/M, Mentions of STDs, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 16:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10034993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farrah_yondale/pseuds/pomegranate_bosoms
Summary: Some people??? write bad fanfiction???? to cope?????





	

**Author's Note:**

> I had to change my autocorrect settings for this fanfiction, you're welcome.

 the desert wind….carried death….and also smelled rly bad because no one ever picked up their trash. that was the death. the death of bananas and good writing.

ganondorf slammed his knees to the floor. the floor that was hot and made of sand and the tears of generations of weepy brown women weeping 4ever.

ganondorf had 8 wives because he is a brown man in a dessert and they always have 900 wives because i’m a racist. mostly because i need 2 study for my exam, but also because i’m a racist.

his first wife was Zelda. he loved her because of her delicious white skin because everyone with melanin thirsts after white ppl. she had syphilis. (also I forgot to mention all the wives are conveniently pregnant at the exact same time and they all also have infections because hylians are all evil and racist and one dimensional and they injected all the Gerudo with infectious disease to wipe them out….or something idk)

anyway that’s not important. the important thing is that I have an exam in a week and I need 2 study and I’m going to study for this fanfiction. I mean this exam.

so Zelda had syphilis. but do u know what KIND of syphilis? it was latent syphilis, which is a good thing because the rate of transmission to the fetus is lower than that of primary or secondary sypihilis. but since she has latent syphilis that means that at one point she had primary syphilis (a painless ulcer known as chancre on her vulva—lol! gentalias are funny) and secondary syphilis (where she had condyloma lata on her genitals)

“ganon I’m pregnant and I have syphilis,” Zelda cried weepily.

“don’t worry, Zelda. little did u know I’m actually a licensed physician. I scored a 270 on my USMLE Step 1 which is what Farah wishes she could score on her exam.”

“Who’s farah?” Zelda asked accusingly. she was jealous. like all women because women are jealous and petty.

“that’s not important,” ganondorf said anxiously. he was hiding the fact that farah was his 9th wife!!! because all arabs—I mean Gerudo are always hiding wives somewhere in storage. “what’s important is that I get you some penicillin 2.4 million units. it’s a very high dose so that it can cross the placenta. thankfully you are early on in your pregnancy so we should check your Treponema pallidum titers at 1, 3, 6 and 12 months. By 6 months your titers should be half. And by 12 months, you should be completely negative.”

“oh thank you, lord ganondorf! I have no idea what that means!” Zelda cried again because she’s a girl and girls cry a lot.

“just be careful because you could have Jarisch-Herxheimer reaction from the treatment, where you will present with myalgias, low grade fever and uterine contractions.”

“aaaah!” Zelda suddenly screamed falling on the floor. “I’m giving birth!” the baby was coming. the author has no idea how birth works aside from watching bad TV programs that depict birth completely wrong. the baby popped out. just like that. no stages of labor, no progression of uterine contractions, no slow dilation or effacement of the cervix. it just. was there.

ganon held the baby in his man hands lifting it towards the sky. no one bothered to cut the umbilical cord but who cares.

thankfully the baby was completely healthy and did not have macerated skin, anemia, hepatosplenomegaly, thrombocytopenia and after 2 years of age he did not have Hutchinson teeth, saber shins, 8th nerve deafness, saddle nose or mulberry molars. All thanks to ganon’s proper treatment. thanks ganon.

**Author's Note:**

> Please forgive me.


End file.
